The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
