If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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