What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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