she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
