There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
