I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize