Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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