Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
