So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
pop tarts are not kleenex
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
