like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
