Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
