You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
