I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize