hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
