True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
you never un-have a 4some
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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