Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
my shit smells like andre
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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