Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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