god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
