Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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