So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
