I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
