I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
