so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
