he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
