Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You left your phone here
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