dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
