He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
