you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
