If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
