this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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