but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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