dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
