twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
