i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
