Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize