I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
