is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
