I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
