Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
