my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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