Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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