did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
