i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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