thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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