lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
