Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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