There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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