everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
