My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
