Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
