I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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