Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
