it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
