After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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