I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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