can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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