you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
