i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
