She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You made out with two different species that night
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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