my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
How's work?
Spinning.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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