apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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