You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I have fence marks all over my body
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
