I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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